at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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