That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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