She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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