I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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