Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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