Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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