I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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