I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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