Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
