Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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