I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
