I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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