Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
