ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A+ Viking dick
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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