Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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