Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
