I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
