I have demons in me.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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