But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
