i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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