How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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