Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Welp...herpes.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
