It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
