Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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