windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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