Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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