She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
