He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
