Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
