dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
