some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
