I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
