I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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