I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
