im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
