we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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