Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
