who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
