I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I AM VODKA MAN
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
