So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
