New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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