I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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