I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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