you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
