thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
