It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
