; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
