So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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