I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
