Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
