Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
soo... how was my night?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
