My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We got so high we made milksteak
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
