So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
