Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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